____Macbeth Shakespeare (act 4, scene 3)

Give anger words; the anger that does not speak is a feeling buried alive that never dies.

The abortion of justice lodges in the hippocampus of the brain where it remains forever.

Justice was aborted for too many survivors of sexual assault, thus creating a second wound.

Judith Herman has devoted her life to helping victims of sexual trauma.  She wrote: Trauma and Recovery.  Bessel van Der Kolk is widely know for his extensive research on post traumatic stress syndrome, published in Psychological Trauma.  Ann Burgess, a nurse, studied the reactions of rape victims and published her research on Rape Trauma Syndrome.  

My books: Doctors Who Rape (Longwood Academic) 1991; The Search for Paul David (First printing 1995); and Doctors Who Rape: Malpractice and Misogyny (Revised and Expanded Edition 1997).

Doctors Who Rape was included in the FBI library.  In addition, the book was listed in the top 100 best sellers on the subject of rape.

What are immediate reactions to sexual assault?  There is a myth that all victims are hysterical and crying.  Research does not support this myth.

“Our data did not support this myth.  To the contrary, we observed two contrasting styles: expressed style, in which feelings of fear, anger and anxiety were expressed verbally or shown through such behavior as crying, shaking, smiling, restlessness, and tenseness; and controlled style, in which feelings were masked or hidden, and a calm, composed, or subdued affect was seen” (Burgess and Holmstrom, 1979, p. 118).

Some women react to their tenseness by smiling.  Burgess and Holmstrom explain: “Sometimes when feelings are unbearable, the victim will defend psychologically or substitute another feeling.  As one woman who smiled occasionally during the interview said, ‘Laughing is better than crying.’  (p. 120).

In Recovery, Benedict, a rape researcher and counselor, notes some victims act “indifferent” as though they are “explaining a math problem,” or they “crack jokes,” (p. 24).  She explained that “this control is a way of protecting yourself from the shock, but it can be most confusing to friends, who expect to see you shaken and sobbing” (p. 24).

Burgess and Holmstrom provide yet another valuable insight about the controlled style of coping: It is important to some victims that they present a “strong” appearance (p. 120).  Apparently, it would be difficult for them to be seen as having problems or falling apart.  The need to appear strong may be caused by a sense of pride or a fear of rejection if the victim is seen as weak.  The researchers noted that the individual with a need to be strong discusses feelings of defeat and powerlessness rather than concerns about other people’s reactions to the assault (Burgess and Holmstrom, p. 328).

Continue reading JUSTICE ABORTED

Waiting to Come Forward

Glass Overflowing

Content warning–this post is about sexual assault and rape.

I am fortunate. While not all of my dates in my youth were great, all of my dates were safe, consensual, and respectful. When I told boys to stop, they did. Even if a few of them spent time trying to convince me to change my mind, I was a really good debater and none of their skillz matched mine. None of the boys I kissed put their hands over my mouth to cover my screams or had a friend lock the door so nobody would disturb us. Allegedly.

I know so many women from my generation who had close escapes, or were raped. By strangers. By dates. By boyfriends.

Many of the stories I didn’t know at the time. Only recently have women had the cultural ‘cover’ and safety to speak their truth. There are ways the “me too”…

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First Mother [Birth Mother]: Rape

This information is from the following site: http://www.hopeforhealing.org/preg.html
Pregnant By A Rapist?
Yes, it happens.
No, you are not alone.
The adult pregnancy rate associated with rape is estimated to be 4.7%. This information, in conjunction with estimates based on the U.S. Census, suggest that there may be 32,101 annual rape-related pregnancies among American women over the age of 18.
Taken from Center for Diseases Control  Rape Fact Sheet  2/2000

Becoming pregnant as a result of rape happens much more frequently than anyone really knows.
It is not my intention to judge anyone’s decision regarding carrying a child.  This section is to help create an awareness of the complication of rape and offer comfort to those who have found themselves in this position.

Ethics? We Don’t Need No Stinking Ethics

The dark side of adoption!

Holding to the Ground

The following is a screenshot of text from the Lifetime Adoptions Facebook page*:


“Adoptions have increased in the past few weeks because women want more for their children and babies.”


Adoptions have increased in the past few weeks because millions of people are unemployed or have had their hours cut back severely**, thanks to “shelter-in-place” ordinances. That is, pregnant women who would otherwise have chosen to parent, feel like they cannot because don’t have the money to keep their babies.

Now, I’ve already written about how much I hate the adage “adoption is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.” I feel it’s used without any regard for what “permanent” and “temporary” really mean. However, as we’re living life right now, these women are in a temporary situation – a situation created by politicians who don’t have to worry about where their next paychecks are coming from. But I’ll…

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“Only fools ignore the past.”

“Unless we study history, we are bound to repeat the mistakes of previous generations.  Roe v. Wade, the 1973 ruling which gives women freedom of choice in terminating or continuing pregnancy — may be overturned.  If that happens, the Supreme Court will return women to the oppression experienced by women prior to the 1970s.  Although young adult women may or may not escape annihilation by adoption, their daughters more than likely will not.  When others — men and women — tell women what to do with their bodies, it is not long until they tell us what to do with our newborn, healthy, white babies.

If the Supreme Court turns back the clock, who else will take up the cudgel to return pregnant women to the conditions of earlier decades?  White, wealthy, and professional people unable or unwilling to have their own babies, adoption agencies, adoption social workers, attorneys who profit by arranging adoptions, doctors who gain power and prestige by finding healthy babies (with a good genetic background) for socially prominent couples with a fertility problem;  manufacturers and retailers who offer expensive baby equipment affordable only to those with  good incomes; administrators and educators in private schools (affordable only to parents in certain income brackets); and those under the spell of the moral majority.

[Others who wish to return pregnant women to the conditions of earlier decades are]:  politicians who hope to win votes by cutting off aid to unmarried mothers; legislators with fertility problems; average Joes and Janes who resent high taxes and blame economic conditions — and perhaps all woes — on unmarried mothers;  social scientists hoping to win popularity by espousing social theories championed by the upper echelon of society; and men who “love” women until or unless they become pregnant.

[Anti-choice is also favored by]: men and women who believe that the  “double standard” of sexual behavior and a shame-based culture directed at females is a desirable means to shape society; those men and women who feel threatened by female sexuality and wish to punish sexual behavior in women; and religious forces.

These and many other more subtle and unseen (but powerful) cultural forces will continue to turn back the clock to earlier decades.  Women will again be harmed by illegal abortion.  And again, many lives will be cruelly and permanently damaged by our present system of adoption.”


Available at amazon.com


A Survivor’s Reflections: “Maybe providence intervened in one sense: There was no doubt in my mind about what had occurred in the doctor’s office. Furthermore, I had told a number of people about what the doctor had done. Finally, I even committed myriad details to a notepad. Many victims of abuse probably haven’t been able to do this. For these individuals, the details of a rape or incestuous attack might become more or less buried in a collage of many other memories through the years.”

Many therapists believe that trauma survivors sometimes block the memory of a traumatic experience from their consciousness. (See Ottawa Recovered Memory.) However, the concept of “repressed memory” has been denied by other therapists. Diana Russell has addressed the heated debate with her assertion that some individuals on both sides of the argument have erred.

More than four decades ago, no one talked about rape or incest. Then, in 1975, Susan Brownmiller’s groundbreaking work, Against Our Will, was published. In the late 1970s, the trauma of rape was addressed by Ann Wolpert Burgess, a nurse, in Rape: Crisis and Recovery. These books validated the experiences of millions of women who had suffered in silence. Incest survivors, too, were encouraged to come out of their prison of silence, and reveal the damage imposed by their perpetrators.  In 1978, Sexual Assault of Children and Adolescents was published (Ann Wolpert Burgess). The Best Kept Secret: Sexual Abuse of Children was published in 1980 (Florence Rush).

As early as 1972, Phyllis Chesler mentioned the problem of sexual abuse by psychiatrists in her book Women and Madness. Ann Burgess’s groundbreaking work, Sexual Exploitation by Health Professionals was released in 1986. Pauline Trumpi drew from a wealth of published papers and her own experience in writing Doctors Who Rape (first published in 1992). An expanded, updated edition went to press in 1997: Doctors Who Rape: Malpractice and Misogyny.

Rape, sexual abuse, and sexual exploitation have been recognized as not only real, but traumatic. These abuses are often kept secret because of stigma and shame.



Birthmother, First Mother, Adoptee



Dear Birthmother





The Choice to Not Abort

The rapist made “a referral” to an abortion doctor.  I was repulsed.  Abortion never crossed my mind.

Does that mean I am not pro-choice?  No.  That decision should always remain with the woman or girl who is pregnant.  I would counsel no one to walk my path.

I  cannot be like those who shout support for pro-life but don’t care what happens after the baby is born.  They rarely offer to help the new mother and do not consider the eighteen years of childcare ahead.  Many believe the “solution” is adoption but are blind to the damage suffered by the mother.  More recently, adoptees are speaking about their wounds created by adoption.